What was your first time like?

Firstly, a huge thanks to all who have congratulated me on the SCBWI anthology comp win, it's much appreciated! Still very excited about it all, believe me.

And now, on to the next stage:

Last draft is done. I'm getting ready to send my first query letters to agents for my kids' book. I've done my research, picked a shortlist of agents who I like the look of and might be interested in my work, bought my paper, envelopes and stamps...

...and procrastinated for a few days.

This feels MASSIVE. I am terrified.

I shouldn't be. I'm not as afraid of rejection as most people (I was an actor, lest ye should forget), I've already had a nibble from someone important, plus lots of positive comments from various people who should know their stuff and the competition win. More crucially, I understand that if, WHEN, I get rejection slips this doesn't mean I'm a bad writer. It doesn't spell death for my book. It might mean a lot of things - agents have differing tastes and client lists, or maybe the book isn't good enough YET, or maybe I just caught someone on a bad day, or blah blah blah. Some of the people I submit to will think my work sucks. It doesn't matter. Some will think it's derivative, some won't get my sense of humour, some will like it but think that it won't sell, some will be irritated by my layout - WHATEVER! How many stories do we all know of bestselling authors who got 60 or 70 rejections before the big YES?

I know all of this. Why am I so damn scared? Am I scared they'll...gulp...like it?

I've trawled the web for every decent (and crappy) article and resource on publishing: submitting a manuscript, agents in general, writing a synopsis, approaching editors and the acquisition process, and read Miss Snark et al until I want to throw up all over my damn keyboard! I'm prepared.

All I have to do now is press print and lick the envelope (with the shaking hands and dry mouth that's harder than it sounds), but I am being pathetic. I haven't felt this scared since I did a bungee jump. I'm normally quite a bold sort of gal.

(Get up on a stage in front of hundreds of people? Sure, no problem. Write a damn letter? Aaaaaargh!)

So, humour me. Share your stories. If you have any links to webstuff that might spur me on, please post them. Kind words of encouragement or a bitchslap are both equally encouraged. I'll let you know if I grow the cohones!